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Friday, May 22, 2015

You're the Top 2011

A jolly lyric, a panegyric
to praise one of Boston's best,
but I should be cautious lest
she be distressed or unimpressed:
I'm far too wordy, it's rather nerdy,
the length to which I have gone;
you'll think me mental, but please be gentle
as I ramble and babble on!

You're the top, you're a mackerel holy,
you're a stop by the Bruins goalie:
you're a beauty queen, you're the leafy green of Spring;
you're a live third rail, and you never fail
to make me sing!
You're a dream, and you drive me loco,
you're the steam from a cup of cocoa --
I'm a reckless guy just arrested by a cop:
Signorina, I'm the bottom. You're the top!

You're as fine as a gin martini,
you're a line penned by Seamus Heaney --
you're a candle-wick, you're a Bergman flick at Cannes:
you're a silver platter, a Pollock splatter,
you're tryptophan!
You're so sweet, you're a comic hero --
you're a treat, but I'm close to zero.
I'm a bloke benighted, a withered blighted crop:
I'm a dweller of the cellar -- you're the top!

You're the top, you're Michelle Obama;
you're the top, you're the Dalai Lama:
you're a red balloon, you're a '60s tune on "Glee" --
you're a jazzy jitney, you're a song by Whitney,
you're a liturgy!
You're a blast from an angel's bugle,
you're as fast as a search by Google!
I'm a dying ember, a cold November gray --
but you're funny, you're the sunny month of May!

You're a bird, you're an ode by Horace --
you're a word in Roget's Thesaurus!
you're a silken glove, a turtle-dove, it's true!
You're the rose of Sharon, you're the voice of Karen
singing "Close to You"!
You're a drape, you're a blind Venetian;
you're the shape of an urn that's Grecian!
I'm a bard forlorn, a Samson shorn of hair:
but you're sterling, you're a girl beyond compare!

You're the top of a fireman's ladder.
You're the top! No one makes me gladder.
You're the subtle charm of a country farm in Maine.
You're a sparkling soda, you're the ears of Yoda,
you're a candy cane!
You're a doll -- oh, you're just like heaven!
you're so tall (almost five-eleven) ...
I'm a case of gout, a doltish lout, a pest!
but if, honey, I'm annoying, you're the best.

You're the top, you're a golden trinket;
you're the top, just like Smith & Pinkett:
you're the manner mild of a soulful child of grace;
to be diplomatic, I get quite ecstatic
when I see your face!
You're the lurch of a locomotive,
you're a church with a candle votive:
I'm as crazed as heck, a crashing wreck. I'm done!
You're terrific, beatific, you're the one!

You're so fab! You're McCartney's Lennon.
You're not drab: you're the bluest denim.
You're Seattle grunge, you're a daring bungee jump --
you're a hedge with brambles, an egg that scrambles!
I am Forrest Gump.
You’re a peach, and you make me feel good;
you're a speech by the late John Gielgud:
you’re a cherished chum, you're the total sum -- a friend!
And this litany I’ve written now must end.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Love Song

The scary things love can
    Attack a poor heart with!
Birdsong that stupefies
    Scholars from Dartmouth;
Starlight that lays low
    Professors from Yale;
Moonshine that renders
    A Harvard grad pale.

O, the agonies love'll
    Inflict on your head!
A blow from a shovel
    That leaves you half dead;
A sock in the kisser,
    A punch in the gut --
When Love comes a-knockin',
    He'll find my door shut.

Love should be quarantined,
    Kept in a pen!
I've had the bug once; I
    Don't want it again.
Both codger and stripling
    With fevers grow faint;
You think love's a picnic?
     I tell you: it ain't.

From Sappho to Shelley,
    From Keats to Cole Porter,
This madness leaves millions
    In abject disorder;
From Shakespeare to Auden
    To pop balladeers,
Love promises laughter
    But leaves 'em in tears.

Montague, Capulet,
    Taylor and Burton,
Heloise, Abelard,
    One thing's for certain:
Love's nothing but misery,
    Pain without end.
You want to be happy?
    Steer clear of it, friend.

In the Silverware Drawer After Dark

The steak knives are playing the Ramones at full blast. The salad forks are dancing with the teaspoons to the tune of "Come On, Ei...