Boston, you kill me! You’re raucous! You’re reckless!
You throttle my throat with an emerald necklace.
You're making me stumble, you cause me to spill,
As I walk the brick sidewalks up steep Beacon Hill.
You sap me of strength and you drain me of power,
I'm a pane of glass falling from the John Hancock Tower.
You're an in-fernal flame, an insidious spark,
You're a lout in the bleachers of loud Fenway Park.
You're a wicked fast driver (you’re faster than me!)
In the Ted Williams Tunnel to Terminal B.
You slug me by night and you sock me by day
And you rob me of money on the MBTA.
You're a Dorchester gas tank, a frenzied commuter.
You growl like a mad dog the vet's gotta neuter.
You're always demanding, "Hey, gimme a buck":
You get pissed when I tell you, "I'm down on my luck!"
You abandon me, leave me marooned, in the lurch:
I'm a mouse in the basement of Trinity Church.
You tell me I'm worthless, I don't mean a thing,
You send me to Mass General's critical wing!
You starve me, with nothing to drink or to eat;
I'm a mannequin hobbling down Newbury Street.
You're a drunk at the Red Hat, a big fatty liver,
You're just as polluted as the famous Charles River.
Boston, against me your heart seems to harden:
You hip-check me into the boards at the Garden!
You’re as cold as the ice in a Westinghouse fridge:
You’re shoving me off of the Len Zakim Bridge.
You shout at me, swear at me, make people stare,
You're a lunatic ranting in old Copley Square.
You bludgeon my skull with a really hard rock:
Keep it up, Boston -- I'll move to Noo Yawk!